postgarf

so, i'm going to FWA! it's fucking epic. i've spec'd out a camcorder with a wide angle lens and an infrared floodlight for night time activities, and hopefully my little movie for that will have some better pacing than the one i've been trying to make with my house. moving in has been cool, but it's very very slow. progress is not easily traceable on any medium because it's mostly change without and end, so things are moved back and forth to see what sticks. that said, FWA has a cemented date and time frame, i'll be there on the 9th to the 11th, but i'm seeing if i could or should go early-early in the morning friday (super late thursday night?) to avoid traffic or just go ham hock full fisted into it when my friend's plane arrives. that sounds like a horrible idea, but i'm considering everything.

i also think i need new shoes??? like my shoes aren't really "presentable" i'd say, but idk if that's really a big issue or not? i might be taking videos and pictures with them, so maybe but honestly i don't know in the slightest.

this is the first time i'm going to a con, like, ever. shit's fuckin neat as hell. hopeful!

Mood: hopeful
Location: soon to be Atlanta
Music: Big Thief - Simulation Swarm

i find it kind of weird how i really don't feel comfortable posting anywhere except for maybe here and the webleague, even though i really much prefer this place simply out of novelty. bluesky just feels like, too open? like everything is already being spoken and i have very little to add to the waterfall of voices, so i don't really say anything. webleague is a strange batch though, because while it mainly comprises of the people i knew from cohost it's nothing like cohost except maybe the themes they provide. it's basically mastodon, and thinking about how it's basically mastodon is like,, ouuuughgh. mastodon is not really It. there's some deeply fundamental wedge that has shoved itself between me and actually using mastodon and i don't know what it is. i miss the ability to tag things in a repost to add my own little commentary, i miss having my own little corner that wasn't occupied by the type of people who use their real names and faces on the internet (even though that isn't in any way the actual problem), and i miss the creativity in the medium of posting itself, that you were allowed through HTML and CSS and just seeing all the things people made and the little things i could make myself.

i miss cohost a lot. it let me come out of my shell, more than i was ever typically comfortable with. what's left is somewhere between crude simulacra and nothing of the sort. no longer made for me, no longer with that deeply passionate spirit at the heart of things, with far out intentions of revolutionary change in the fundamentals of how everything *could* work; now? it's just different riffs on Twitter. twitter but again, mastodon, mastodon but invite-only, and places like here, basically.

it never could have worked long term, or it could have held on for just a little longer and saw a boost in users after another trainwreck on X, T/h./e E/very/thi/ng/ ,A.pp, but now that it's gone i know exactly what i'm missing.

i miss cohost because i have implanted the behavior of being able to make little silly side commentary through silent tags to make my reposts more personalized, and it was something i also loved seeing from other people and like its just gone now i don't see anything like that at all anymore

tumblr kinda has this i think, but its really not the same in spirit. so many features gone from my life. gone

i've been kind of dreading making a post here cuz i've just been really busy taking everything in from slowly getting this house moved out/into. so i'll just have a quickie posted here and update my dump blog with some new links. do you think yall would like things like... low viewcount youtube videos from pre-y2k13?? would that be interesting??? idk i might branch out a little bit. i have a lot of backlog but again i've just been b u s y

Mood: accomplished
Music: Jason Isbell - Bury Me

https://pre-y2k13-dump.dreamwidth.org/
this is just a place i'm going to be posting random links to places and videos i find from over 11 years ago, because i've found the magic number for something to start being "nostalgic" is about 11 years for most things. the actual "thing" started about 3-4 years ago, and i'll probably be posting more of my backlog, but you constantly find interesting stuff nonetheless On-Line. so, i'm just gonna post and not worry about it. req stuff if you want

-- mxxrk

Mood: chipper

a "little thought" i've had over the years is that i've always had an interest in homes where the slant of the roof makes it's way into the walls. it seems like the way that forces spaces to become tighter and cozier, it just seems really neat. i've never really been in a house with a slanted roof, or a roof with enough slant to meet with the wall near eye level, but i've seen many pictures of them. just kinda neat!

in about one week, i will finally move. or rather, the person in my house is moving out, but i am gonna try and get in as soon as possible. i am very excited, so have some neat pictures.

(click to enlarge)

tire marks in snow illuminated by street light lead into a dark midnight road

my eggbug plushie that i have on my bookshelf

a nook and a typewriter. one appears blue while the other is yellowy. on a table

my cat 2fort sitting and looking up longingly in the dark with a dithering effect

close up of my tiny lomo lc-a keychain in my hand

the side of a house dimly illuminated by flashlight

there's something about dariacore where i can only express it in negative language despite really loving it and listening to it constantly; probably as a result of being really into mashups when i was younger and all the negative ironic-enjoyment joking language they use to talk about everything. but it's just really silly and nice and basically EVERYTHING on EVERY album is catchy and clever in some regard. it drives me crazy. i have gotten several stim phrases from them such as "living with my bitches hashtag live" and there's jusT SO MUCH GOIGN ON IT'S SO SILLY

Mood: giddy
Music: dariacore 3

i had not really understood or known the real definition of doomscrolling before now; but i have very much been doomscrolling for the past little bit. absolutely fucking dreadful it is, no?

this is more and more becoming easier and easier to use. my old cohost tools still work so i can post like i used to; i also added Atkinson Hyperlegible to my page to make it a little easier on the eyes ;)

bsky oficiale aliformiĝis en deprimigo al mi; nepre tiel, sed tamen sorto trista. afiŝo post afiŝo enhavantaj la samaj malbonaj pensoj, ke rondiras en mia propra cerbo senĉese. por ĉiuj de la retenhavo tie, ĝi ne havas la graveco, ke mi volus kontribui al ĝi laŭvice.

still waiting on my house, but i've had some dinners with friends recently, and that was quite fun. im still recording video for it but i don't know "where" to post it while remaining kind of closed-off and private while still not like linking to my greater-world i guess? i don't know. we'll find all that out in due time i suppose.

Mood: calm
Music: Letters In English - Boy At A Window (youtu.be/vZR4NlCufwo)

( You're about to view content that the journal owner has advised should be viewed with discretion. )

Mood: bouncy

pretty soon, probably a month or two after the holidays, i'm going to be moving out from the place i've lived in for a solid 22 years to a house of my own. well like, not entirely my own, cuz i'm gonna be living with people as well and doing some other shit, but *not* living with my parents, and i think that's gonna be really nice and cool. i had a friend come to me talking about wanting to live with me and renting an apartment in order to split rent with her bf 3 ways, and i was like "wait my dad died i'm gonna be able to live at *his* house if i don't need to sell it because oh my fucking god everything happening rn" and it'd probably be cheaper than an apartment anyway (depending on Factors)

my dad's gf has been living there in the meantime because she took a lot of care of him in his dying days, but now that she has mostly everything progressed from that to her own place with her family n stuff and since i'm trying to start some maker-ing things with furniture building and wood working, i need some ***actual fucking space*** over being holed up in this cramped little office room. i find it *absolutely exhilarating,* i don't really even have the words to describe how excited i am. like even with the aforementioned "oh my fucking god everything happening rn" unspeakable horror of impending Usonian bullshit to come and everything, i have been given this privilege that *many* people do not have, and i am ideally going to be able to make the most of it and commit to the shit that I ACTUALLY FUCKING WANT TO DO instead of being locked in this purgatory of inaction and wilt that i've felt ever since high school. i am just, incredibly excited. the past few months of my life have been pretty fucking cool and shit and like, wow. hope i don't fuck this up or become Worse or something. i'm hopeful though. like, overall. one can only hope

Mood: ecstatic
Music: September - Ostavi Trag (https://youtu.be/biVfj35iyDc)

something that i've been on-and-off thinking about is that, i hear people talking about being authentic online, but i could never under any circumstances be whole and true online with anyone. i don't think that's something that exists. you would have to be like, a little too primarily integrated of a person to have that be a realistic goal to have. i think i'm gonna have to segregate various parts of me into different boxes for the rest of my life. well, that kinda sucks.

don't you hate it when a friend says something totally innocuous to you (at least i hope) where your brain makes it 1000 times worse and it just eats away at you and you don't know how to respond and it's too much and too personal but also kinda basic and it just cuts you down like a tree for the rest of the night? well, that just happened to me, and i think im gonna try to go to sleep instead of thinking about it, but that's probably not gonna be enough. ugh.

im really excited to get an instax camera for my birthday, i've always wanted an instant film camera that wasn't totally eugh, this is gonna be a fun little thing!

getting home from school, i reenter my typical malaise, not getting enough sleep, not having taken any meds just due to habitually forgetting them (nothing very serious), and i am shown a video algorithmically from a Jared Henderson, Why We Can't Focus - Amusing Ourselves to Death; i shortly wake from my anhedonic stupor, realizing i've already been sitting in my computer chair for 2 hours without getting much of anything done watching random retrospectives and tier lists for the past hour and a half about things i mostly don't have any strong opinions on. the new video, placed before me by an indescribable force of computing power no single person can see or comprehend, focuses on various things ranging from a history of media literacy, convenience culture, smart phone access, but another piece of it's puzzle is directly "media access", i.e., how things like social media and content distribution networks, to even our devices, are orchestrated in a way to maximize our time spent passively consuming content.

it is certainly not a new idea to me, but i think the video has a good enough presentation of it's ideas that it deserves to be shared. it's not overly long, keeps your attention with good narration, etc, but i guess even that overview runs counter to it's underlying message. it did make me feel a little better in my pursuit of not being hopelessly addicted to youtube but i mean, nya...

and also i want his old man glasses. they look good.

Mood: calm
Music: Nils Quak - Privat

oh god it's December, which is actually kind of a nice thing but like, TIME OUGH

i've always actually been quite a fan of the winter-months. i've said in jest that i have reverse-seasonal-depression but like actually, being down south and having really bad seasonal allergies in the spring and summer with some actual relief in the fall and winter, along with all the holidays and it being socially acceptable to listen to oldfangled music everywhere, it's actually kinda nice. i think it's good to just turn on some late night npr, when they play all their jazz stuff, and look out the window at the cars passing one after another. cold is always better than hot, at least when "cold" is 50°F (10°C) and not like, -40, or something. although i guess you can always put more clothes on. baking in your own house is not fun tho. once i move it'll be even cooler, although that seems like it's both pushed further back and pulled ever forwards at the same time.

fun fact: you can lie to yourself and say things are good and fine even when they're not, and it'll be like, not as bad! kinda? kinda! fun fact with mark. just something i've been thinking about lately.

i've also been super emotional the past few days due to... some technically fun stuff, but it's like weird i might write about it later :3c

Mood: okay
Music: Stanislas Tohon - Yallow 2

random things i've made that i like and htat i have time to post rn before i go to
Thanks Giving 2: RevengencE

(click to enlarge)

a distorted screenshot of an source engine map of a futuristic apartment complex

a distorted screenshot of an old counter strike map of a school.

Mood: creative

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postgarf

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